Thursday, September 19, 2013

Forks in the road....

Everyone at some point in their lives comes to a fork in the road, some get multiple forks. The direction we choose lays out the path towards our future. As human beings we were given the option to choose right from wrong. So why is it that when given the choice, we choose the more rugged path?

I don't claim to be a perfect person, lord knows I have skeletons! Why is it though...that when given a good thing, I tend to push it away? I hide my feelings, my secrets, and yes sometimes I lie.  I keep an arms length to the people who really care about me. I become a "fake" person in times of intimacy.  Its like I am scared to have a real relationship...instead I choose to not get close and be alone. Later, when alone, I feel sorry for myself.

I have a wonderful life. Everything Ive ever wanted. A fullfilling and rewarding job, 2 great kids, a husband who is my best friend, a beautiful home, and a few good friends. Its taken alot of heartache and work to get here. So why do I feel like I do?

I find myself at a crossroads. If I take the road to the right, there lies happiness, fullfillment, companionship, and intimacy. The road to the left is bare, dark, unknowing, and neverending. So why do I find myself hesitating and looking to the left?

Why do I long for the unknowing future, when I have everything I could want? Why does the grass always seem greener on the other side to me? Am I conflicted or just selfish? 

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